Wine Coolers and Cramped Spaces – Down to 23

1994In my very late teens after graduation, I had two chicas that I were constants in my life. Blondie and I had met on the business high school and I met Kinky though Blondie.  By the way, I have changed their names to protect the innocent.  The funny part of that whole statement is that none of us were very innocent.  Blondie offered to let me come live with her in her very small one bedroom apartment.  And then Kinky was there all the time, too.  That means 3 late teen girls were living together in an apartment a little over 500 sqft. with a single bathroom.  We were all broke all the time and still managed to go out and have fun on a regular basis.  Blondie worked at Chili’s, so we got a discount to eat there and I was all good with eating mac and cheese made with water instead of milk and tuna fish.  Kinky was a genius with a make-up brush and taught me some tricks that I use to this day.  There was drama and laughter and good times and crazy times.  We watched each other deal with boyfriends and family issues and always had one another’s back. 

To this day, I still can’t tell you how we pulled it off, but we went to whatever club or bar we wanted to and always manged to find a party.  And then we always got home in one piece.  We never let each other leave with a person we didn’t know or lose track of each other.  We created a bond that I thought back then was pretty damn cool.  Little did I know that it would hold strong despite where we each ended up.

Kinky eventually left San Antonio and moved up north to Chicago.  I had planned on joining her, but God had a different plan and it included my surprise pregnancy.  She met someone got married and then moved back and then got divorced and moved away again and ended up in Jersey.  She then met her other half and they had a mini version of her and they married and have had another.  Blondie has stayed closer to home most of the years.  She married someone 10 years her senior that she met in the midst of our party days and she settled down and got married.  They then had a super handsome son and now her life is really about to change because she is on the verge of divorce after being married well over a decade.  Through all the ups and downs and miles in between, we always find each other when it matters the most.  There are 2 things I know in my heart of hearts about both of them, they have always been straight talkers to me and if I decide to start dancing on an empty dance floor, they won’t question my sanity and they might even join me.  Love you ladies but the phrase crazy bitches is probably more what you would expect hear – so Love You Crazy Bitches. 

24 Days To Go and Yep, I Was MIA

Instagram pic collageSoooo I have been out of check for several days and I am so bummed out about it.  What I thought was just a cough from typical allergies at this time of year quickly turned into a crappy and annoying cough.  I finally had to give in and take myself to the ER.  Turns out the now overwhelming hacking and coughing had transformed into full blown pneumonia!!!  Gross and yucky……I hate being sick.  Over the weekend, I was still convinced it was just bad allergies, maybe at the most a sinus infection, so I went to a Casino Night fundraiser to support a wonderful friend and helped a friend teach to the kids at our church.  I thought missing a couple of days blogging was at the most a my bad and all the thoughts flooding my head would eventually make their way on the laptop screen.  Now, many days have passed and I have so many things to say and share and not being online made me realize that spilling some of my life online for the world to read is such a release.  So for those who have been reading – thanks.  I am sharing whatever God has placed on my heart and some of it so far has been funny, some of it touching and some of it a little hard to say but true.  All I know is that this is the Real Me – and for those who take me as I am – thanks for being in my life.  For those who don’t know me but have been reading along, I pray that this gives you some insight into someone else’s life and maybe shines some extra light into your day.

I am still under the weather and doing my best to get better as soon as possible.  I did get a great delivery from the DHL guy the other day.  Underoos read a previous blog and gifted myself and my guys each a pair of Underoos.  So, occasionally you might run into a little Spider-man, teen Batman, daddy Captain America or me as my crazy alter-ego Harley Quinn.  And to all my soon to be 40 somethings out there – 40 is gonna be one hell of a ride and I look forward to doing it with all of you dressed in your Underoos (hint hint about your possible b-day gift).

So I say peace out and kisses and wishes to you all!

30 Days and Favorite Phrases

I was sitting in a public setting and listening to people talk.  And of course, people watching!  I heard two guys talking and one said to the other, “hey, that’s what she said” and the other guy just laughs.  My first thought was – “do people still say that?” and then I started thinking about some of the phrases I would use on a regular basis.  There are those sayings that where trendy and then the ones that got picked up at some random place and they just stuck for a limited time.

I actually have one word that I used so often I am sure it almost drove my dad insane. LIKE!  There is a whole generation that did not know how to have a conversation without throwing the phrase LIKE into it.  Example: So like the other day, I like totally saw this hot guy and like almost died!  And the dramatic touch was usually thrown in for effect.  I must have “like almost died” daily.  I have lived in Texas my whole life.  So why is it there was a valley girl phase in my past?  The like phase started not too long after the valley girl phase.  My valley girl wasn’t as extreme as the main character in the movie “Valley Girl” but it could definitely be annoying. 

As I have gotten older, I catch myself using certain phrases.  I recently noticed that after giving my opinion on something, I will finish it with “I’m just saying”. I guess picking up or using certain phrases is a habit I haven’t been able to shake.  I do not think it is such a problem that I need an intervention or go through some kind of “recovery process” but I would be okay with those who are closest to me to point out when I get stuck on a phrase.

There are two phrases that I only use in email and letter writing (yes, I still enjoy snail mail).  And these will stick , do not ask me to quit using them.  They are KISSES or KISSES AND WISHES.  To me, it is they way I let my happy light shine out to you all in this great big world.  Think about some of your favorite phrases that slip into your everyday conversations or terms you use frequently.  Here are a couple more:

You know what I mean, ya know what I am saying, As if, what the, you’re killing me sweets, just chillin

So, have a great day and laters dudes!

Pregnant?? NO!!!! And Another 31 Days

scanWhen you are 20 years old and single and enjoying life – you literally have your whole life before you.  The prospects are boundless.  Traveling and exploring beyond the boundaries you have stayed within are ready to be crossed.  Plans are being made and there is nothing to stop you.

That is how I felt.  I was preparing to move away from the only state I had ever called home and live my permanent single life.  BUT I noticed that my not-so-favorite friend that tended to come monthly for all women hadn’t stopped by in awhile.  I reluctantly bought that stick test and thought I will just prove that this is all stress about the big move and go out afterwards.  I did my thing and waited.  In just a matter of seconds, there were 2 little lines.  I read and re-read the instructions.  I was sure for the first time in my life I had forgotten how to read the English language. And then I admitted to myself that I had flunked the test!!!  This annoying little stick was telling me that I was pregnant.  How did this happen?  This has to be wrong! NO – not me!  Did I skip a pill? These are the thoughts that started to run through my mind.

I had always seen people get excited about a new baby.  Most women long for motherhood.  I was not one of these ladies.  In those moments after realizing the truth of the situation, I just sat on the floor and cried.  There was only one other person who knew that I was afraid I might be pregnant and she could keep a secret.  There was no need to tell anyone else.  If I partied hard and had a miscarriage, no one else would ever know the truth.  What if I went ahead and moved away, I could put this thing inside me up for adoption and my family would never feel the disgrace of me getting pregnant like this.  Decision making in the moment of fear and confusion causes you to run some crazy scenarios.  And run them I did.  There were only 2 things I knew for sure at that moment: this pregnancy happened from a one night-stand and I was not going to let anyone make this decision for me.

Eventually, I came out of the bathroom and decided to party first and deal with life later.  And party I did!  But then life slowed down enough I knew I had to make a true decision.  The more I thought about it the more I felt I needed to keep the kid.  This pregnancy was one of those .01% kind.  I had been using protection as had my partner.  This kid was meant to be here and I wasn’t sure that I could raise him but try I would.

Now, to do this, there were a couple of decisions I made in those first few weeks that would affect the rest of my life and of the fetus growing inside me.  I chose to tell the guy that was the dad that I was pregnant and I was keeping the baby.  He had no obligation to help raise it or be a part of it’s life.  That was totally going to be up to him. And he opted out, so I felt it was in the best interest of myself and him that the only other person that should know who the biological dad was would be my best friend Sandy.

I started to tell my family.  I can’t say that any of them were exactly happy to hear that I was pregnant and on top of it I would not tell them anything about the dad.  Most of my friends were supportive of my decision and only a couple played the guessing game of who could be the dad.  After finally let the cat out of the bag with everyone and me settling into the idea that I would be staying in Texas and having a baby, I had a big scare.  I started to have problems with the pregnancy.  I went in to see the doctor and he explained that I could miscarry or take the appropriate steps to protect the fetus and the pregnancy.  I am not gonna lie – I saw a big opportunity here.  I could truly miscarry this baby and I wouldn’t have to do this whole single mom thing.  I only had a few minutes to make my final decision – to have this baby or walk away.  I again chose to have it.  I did what I was supposed to, had to do bed rest, take it easy and let the fetus grow and get stronger. After a handful of weeks, I was out and about again and trying to figure out the what next thing.

I went ahead and went back to college for the Spring Semester.  I had a great group of friends that would hang out with me and started to get excited about us toting around a baby.  I heard the heartbeat and I found out that this thing inside me was a little boy.  That ultrasound was huge for me.  Watching him move and put his tiny little hand by his face had me in awe!!  Was I really growing a person inside of me?  I started to focus on reading to him and talking to him on a daily basis.  I threw names around and some of them were horrible, some were worthy of a rock star and then I found the right one – ANDREW!  I called him DruDru when I talked to him when no one else was around.  And I started to read a book called Love You Forever and desired to be like the mom in the book.  I spent hours singing karaoke with friends and having friends sing to him.  I even turned 21 while I was pregnant.  That was not the 21st birthday I imagined but we all made the best of it.

Dru kept growing and I kept trying to envision what my future held.  As the weeks passed by and my tummy got bigger, I started to tell everyone I was done being pregnant and for him to hurry up and get here.  Then his due date came and went and I thought “this damn kid is never coming out!!!” and it really felt that way.  The doctor saw me on Thursday and said they would have me come in Monday to induce if I still was pregnant.  Very early the next morning, I climbed into bed with my mom and fell asleep after a restless night.  And then I woke up feeling like my mom had kicked me and she laughed and said it must be baby kicking and then I felt another pain.  I was in labor.  And it lasted for hours – actually just over 32.  And I ended up with a C-section.  My friends and family hung in the whole time and rallied around me in the hospital.  My kid was coming into a world where a whole group of people were already vested in his life.  The moment he was laid on my chest after his birth – everything ceased to exist and I realized that I had just looked into the eyes of the first love of my life and no matter what I would never let anything happen to him.  So in less than a year, I went from a single party girl to a single mom.  My life was still going to change and I would still explore and cross new boundaries, just not the way I expected.

The only thing I knew for sure was that I loved him and the future was still full of adventures!

32 Days Away and Wondering about Underoos

underoosWonder Woman Underoos were the underwear of choice when I was about 4 to 5 years old.  I wanted to get up every born and put on why my Underoos and transform to Wonder Woman.  I knew that I was supposed to be an Amazon woman and when I grew up I would chase down the bad guy and use my lasso of truth on them.  Underoos were AMAZING!  I remember other friends, boys and girls talking about what which Underoos then owned and which were our favorites.  The one thing that annoyed me then was that I wanted to wear some of the Underoos made for boys.  As the years passed, I still longed to wear those super cool Underoos. Every now and then, while shopping, I would stumble across them and noticed that new looks and designs would come along.  Eventually, I had my own kids and wanted them to have those moments of being their favorite super hero.  Let their imagination go wild as they ran around the house saving the world and stopping the evil villains of the world.  Find them in the underwear section of the store for boys was pretty easy in the late 90’s when my oldest was small.  He preferred Batman and would submerge himself into the alter ego of Bruce Wayne.  Again, I would reminisce about myself feeling invincible in my own Underoos.  Then came son number 2.  When he hit the age for Underoos, my husband and I noticed that they were hard to find.  I wanted my youngest to enjoy the same excite and wonder that the rest of had in our childhood.  I would check every undewear department that we came upon.  Where had Underoos vanished to? 

I took to the internet and started some research and read that production of Underoos were stopping.  REALLY?!?!  The only thing I could do now was starting hunting online for those who were charging more after the news or pray that a pair in just the right size fall from the sky.  Let the miracle happen!  okay, it wasn’t exactly a miracle that happened, but I was pretty exciting when I finally spotted some Underoos.  My in-laws had taken my family and I on the local military base to do some shopping.  As was now a habit, I wandered over to the boys underwear department and there they were.  A pair of actual Underoos.  One package and in just the right size and on clearance to boot.  I did a little happy dance and told my hubby.  Z would get to experience Underoos.  I know this seems crazy but their are few things that I can share with my boys that are exactly the same as when I was a kid.  He loved his Underoos!  The sad part was that there weren’t anymore.  Now, I have shared with friends how much I loved Underoos and that I would wear them to this day if I could.  This is where the whole growing up can come into question.  Does a grown woman really need to wear Underoos?  At what point should the matching underwear stop?  Actually never!  Woman can wear matching underwear our who lives if we want.  Whether you get you stuff at Wal-Mart or Victoria Secret or Agent Provocateur, woman still wearing matching underwear.  Now they looks and styles vary and most women are looking to wear a cami matching their panties, but many like their bras to match.  Well, someone somewhere must have been thinking the same as me about still wanting to don their Underoos as an adult. 

This past Christmas, my “big sister” (not by blood but by spirit) got me the most fantastic present….Adult Wonder Woman Underoos!!!  I was so excited I wanted to explode like a 9 year old on Christmas Day.  Turns out that Hop Topic has started to make Underoos for adults.  The designs are a little different and the styles seem to be focused on DC Comic characters for women and for guys their are DC and Masters of the Universe ones.  I love my Underoos again!  The first time I wore them, my little one came into the bedroom and said “Mom! You are a super hero.  Guess what, I am too! I have on Spider-man underwear. Do you think Daddy and Buh Buh are wearing some too?”  I can’t lie it made my heart happy…

Buffy Slaying Away for 33 More Days

To say that I am a fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer is a bit of an understatement.  Those who know me well know how far this little love has gone.  (Notice how I avoid the word obsession) For those who do not know the joy of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, here is a brief summary.  It was a series created by the brilliant Joss Whedon and premiered in the Spring of 1997.  The series revolves around a high school girl named Buffy Anne Summers who is the chosen girl for her generation that is gifted to be able to fight vampires and demons by night and deal with teenage drama with an attitude during the day.  And she has a group of friends and frenemies to help along the way.  The series came along when my son was less than 1 and it was a great way to take a break from the every day once a week.

Buffy became the one show that I always watched.  Even when I didn’t have a TV, I would always manage to find a friend who would record it on VHS (you know those things before DVR) and let me and Dru come over to watch.  As the years passed, I started to collect Buffy items and read the books.  I had those things all over our apartment.  Then I got hooked on the comics as well.  In fact, one of the reasons my friends pointed out, that Steven was the one, is that he bought me a Buffy novel that I was waiting for pay day to pick up.  I still keep that book in front of all the others facing out so that I can see it (that is such a girly thing to do).  Dru grew up with Buffy being a staple in our house and when Steven joined our family he reluctantly sat through every episode.  Even the repeats!

Why I love this show is a bit of understanding that it was more than just a girl killing vampires and dealing with demons to me.  The intimate relationships were complicated and friendships were intense.  Buffy’s family situation was confusing and not black and white.  I just found it so oddly comforting at that time in my life.  I would find these deep ideas and metaphors in episodes that I felt were about what was going on in our real world at the time.   And, yes, I DID love that every week there was some demon or vampire that had invaded Sunnydale and Buffy would overcome with so snarky words and cool death scenes.  The music was great and to this day I still get sad when I think about the break up between Buffy and Angel.  I have called my hubby a demon because there was an episode when Buffy is in college and she is convinced her roommate is a demon – why you ask? Because the chick’s nails grow like every day and she has to clip them.  Steven’s nails grow super fast and when he scratches me (by accident!) I accuse him of being a demon.  Makes me laugh and is a bit twisted but he just ignores me.

My love of Buffy has spread to all facets of our lives.  My snake was named Spike.  And I had the coolest females rats named Cordelia and Willow.  And my super sweet princess (a little black and white wired hair terrier mix) is named Buffy Anne.  I named her that because she is a tough little thing and a total survivor.  So to me the name was quite fitting.  Dru loved the character Angel and when he left Sunnydale and got his own spin-off, it was a guaranteed night of mommy/son bonding time.

Now, my youngest son, who was born like 5 years after the show ended, is named Zander and I have had people assume he is named after one of the characters on the show as well.  BUT, I love to point out that the character’s name was actually Alexander and his nickname was Xander.  Z has seen Buffy and while I was pregnant I even watched the entire series start to finish.  There are times now when it is on or I am binge watching that Z will go look for our dog and tell her that she is on TV.

I don’t think I will ever get tired of the show or any of the cast.  I have watched every show/ movie that has had someone from the show.  And I discovered the genius of Joss Whedon that I have passed on to my boys.  Buffy is the reason we have watched everything Joss has ever done.  We have found some comedies that had former cast members or tuned into a show that we have never seen just to see form Buffy stars.  I love that any given week I can watch TV and catch a glimpse of something that takes me back to Buffy.  And I look forward to Buffy being around in some form until I actually get old – like 95 years old.  Until then, if I’m sick or need a pick me up, just throw on some Buffy and I am all good.

Only 34 More Days and I Am A Bitch

This picture was from this past weekend – Saturday, January 17 at F Bar

How many of you remember the song Bitch by Meredith Brooks from 1997?

I was 22 years old and this song was my instant favorite.  Of course, the title helped to attract my attention.  I guess you could say I have a bit of history with the word Bitch itself.  The first time I remember saying this word was when I was in maybe 2nd grade (a story I think my mom tells much better) and had just gotten in trouble and been sent to my mom.  My mom and her super hearing heard me mutter “bitch” in reference to her.  She marched in there and called me out on what I had said.  I tried to deny it but she wasn’t having it.  Mom then proceeds to explain to me what a bitch means by definition.  She told that a bitch is what you call a female dog.  Or a word used to describe a not nice type of woman and is she either of those things.  I was scared out of mind and thought I was a goner for sure.  I just ended up being grounded and really disappointing my mom for using such horrible language that I didn’t know how to use and to not do it again until I could basically admit to having said it.

Fast forward to me being a young adult, I was now developing a bit of a reputation both at work and in play.  Bitch was my new title.  The title at work was not a great compliment.  In fact, my hubby says that he recalls that on his first day of work our co-worker told him to only call me by Monie not my legal first name and to watch out because I could be a real bitch.  This title signified someone who did whatever it took to complete a job, had high standards on how things were done and did not have a problem with throwing people under the bus who did not do the same.  That was me!  Now, I had friends and was loyal but I couldn’t stand it when people did things half-ass.  I was a bit of an overachiever and expected everyone to be the same way.  When it came to play, the title was the description of a party girl that shouldn’t be crossed.  This one was more of a compliment.  I loved to party and enjoyed dating A LOT!  At the same time, I didn’t mind pissing people off or getting someone kicked out of a bar because they were messing with mine or my friends’ night out. I was a little crazy and not afraid to open my mouth and tell someone what I thought.  And I would protect my friends no matter what.  So needless to say, I started to embrace my title.  Then came this song and I started to wonder if it was a description of me.

And I decided it was.  I was already a single mom who was unapologetic about choices I had made in having and raising my son.  I loved to tease men and be unpredictable.  I thought all this made me a strong and independent woman.  And if that meant people saw me as a bitch – well too damn bad!!!  I thought the only people that mattered where the ones who already were a part of my life and if anyone else wanted in – they better just get used to this chick.  Slowly, of course, things in my life changed.  People started coming into my life who cared about me but called me out on my behavior (thanks Friends!) and helped me realize that my life still held potential and being nice and letting more people in did not make me weak.  I had no idea what God was doing in my life through all these people and things.  My title of Bitch was slowly fading away and that was a little scary!  By the time 30 years old was coming up, I had started to see me in a different light and that was as a Princess.  I even had a Royal Ball for my birthday.  Had the “bitch” really left?  Did this mean I was settling down?  Or even scarier – calming down?  NO

I still love the song Bitch and am glad Meredith Brooks co-wrote it and shared it with the world.  I am not sure what those ladies where thinking or how their lives going when this song was brought to life. But I do know that it means more to me now then it did at 22.  When I hear the lyrics, I realize I am still a bitch and really feel no shame to it.  There really are days when I can’t stand the world I live in either because war makes me sad or people do unbelievable and hauntingly horrible things to each other or I just had a really crappy day.  I still can be tough and have had to learn when and where to have thick skin.  On the other hand, I can be loving and caring and will be submissive.  I truly am a sinner and pray that when I live transparently that is as close as I can get to being a saint (Heehee).  For some like my kids who haven’t done as asked I can be their hell, but I know I can also be their dream when I do exactly what I know will make their day.  I can still tease and be a goddess because that is one of the things he loves about me.  I am pretty sure that who I am right now will be different in another 10 years.  And that’s a great thing.  I want to change – not as often as the seasons- just often enough to keep life interesting.  Does this mean I can’t grow-up?  I’m not sure.  I am not as spontaneous as I once was or in a hurry to telling someone exactly what I think of them.  I think this means I have grown up some, but I am still not sure that I can let go of the title, it may just be different.  There are times I think I am okay with being Princess Bitch.  My definition for that is that I can be a bitch without you knowing it until way after the fact.

So, yes, I’m a bitch – either take it or leave it

Rarely Just the Two of Us and Still 35 Days

usSteven and I got married twice in the year 2001.  I went from being positive in February 2000 that I would stay single forever to being married at the start of the new year in 2001.  From the very beginning, it has never been just the 2 of us in this relationship and I now understand that this is why we are still together.

I was a single mom with a very vivacious 4 year-old in 2000.  I had discovered what it was to have a relationship with Christ and embraced the idea of the only love affair I needed now was found in the bible and my faith in Christ and God.  I remember telling God one night that I had made a decision and I was only gonna be with Him for now on and I didn’t need a man to make me complete.  I knew that BooBoo would grow up and eventually I would be solo but I knew I would have my friends and family and God!  What else could I possibly need?  I mean I had always thought I would be a solo act and having a kid had just been a slight hiccup.  Right?  (I could be a bit of a control freak when it came to my life) Of course God, having the funny sense of humor He does, had a very different plan for me and BooBoo.  I was a workoholic and was at USAA at the time.  I had work friends like many of us do and I had one friend that I was bound and determined to break out of his shell.  His name was Steven and he was my absolute total opposite.

Steven was this quiet guy that kept to himself.  He didn’t talk very much and seemed to be outside the circle.  I was convinced he needed to get to know more people and come out more often.  Who doesn’t love going to Happy Hour and singing kaoroke or just dancing until it seems like you had been in the gym?  Admit it – you know you wanted to do that when you were 20 something!!  Eventually, Steven and I started spending time doing stuff without all our workmates.  He would come and hang out with me and Dru and talk cartoon movies and got me back into gaming.  I hadn’t been a “gamer” since the Atari 2600.  Yes, I hung out in arcades but mostly to be around all my guyfriends and watch hours of Mortal Kombat or hear about the last comics.  BUT I was not a nerd!  Steven was around all the time.  He started helping out with Dru and picking me up and dropping me off at work when the car was not working or just because.  And I was pretty sure he had never dated – no actually – that he had ever even ever kissed a girl.  So, the thought of ever dating Steven or anyone like him was what I considered way above my dating status.  He was too good for me in all the right ways. I honestly knew that my past didn’t define me but a guy who is Mr Goody Goody could never date Ms I-Dont-Commit-And Have Lost-Count.

Then one of my besties, who knows me better than I know my self, came in from Cali for a visit and she was gonna stay with me.  One small problem, my car was in the shop and I needed to pick her put.  I helped Steven to volunteer to be our hang out partner and driver during her visit.  When he wasn’t round, she asked me all these questions about our relationship.  She even got my son to start asking.  By the time she went home, she had me so freaked out that I might have feelings for Steven.  I eventually asked him about it and we started to date.  I had met my Hosea and he was set to be with me and love me No Matter What.

We dated for 4 months and then got engaged.  By the way, he has never actually proposed but that is for another day.  A couple of weeks after the engagement, for health reasons, we decided to elope.  So we figured our big wedding was off!!  My friends were not letting that happened.  So in September on the 22nd, one year and one day after we started dating, we married again in the presence of God and all our family and friends.  It was at that moment that I realized it would never be just he and I.  I am not talking about already being a mom – I am talking about having God in the center of it all.  He knew that I needed someone who is steady and quiet to balance my non-stop everywhere and the fact that I can use my words, his words and my son’s words on any given day.  God had even used the people that I trust the most and could see the true me to help me see what Steven was in my life.  He is the peanut butter to my jelly.  He is the frog that turns into a Prince and makes me realize that I am a Princess.  So I am okay with their always being a third party in this marriage!

Mommy Break and 36 Days To Go

Right now, I am enjoying a little break from the everyday with the boys. My girlfriends and I are in Houston and finding out that their are a whole different set of things we enjoy when away from home.

Going shopping at the mall or honestly anywhere is usually such a chore. Or I go with a super specific agenda and want to get it over with as soon as possible. It is in and out. The only time I enjoy spending time shopping is when Steven and I go to Wal-Mart for our couple time away from the boys. Yes, it’s weird but for some reason it is entertaining. Now, being away from home with no agenda or schedule has been interesting. The girls and I wandered around a farmers market and looked at stuff and tried new foods and laughed about the most random things. Then we decided to hit up the Thrift store. I bopped around singing songs looking at clothes and accessories I might like as well as some that I thought would just be hilarious to wear in public. Now, I would never do this with the boys because it would annoy Dru and he would want his mom to behave. Because I am embarrassing them. I remember when I would feel like that with my mom. Sorry mom – I get it now. You just wanna enjoy shopping and that makes it entertaining. I didn’t care who saw me or what they were thinking I wasn’t hurting anybody and no one was recording me to put in Cyberspace to embarrass my child. Then It was off to the Galleria Mall. We were all hungry and thought we would just the food court and visit H&M (me loves this store) to look around and then leave. Short and sweet! That is not exactly how it went….we had lunch and took our time eating and watching the ice skating. Then we started to make our way to look around for H&M. We ended up stopping in shops that looked different or because we saw a really good sale or one of us would just wander off. Before any of us knew it, 5 hours had passed by and we didn’t even realize it. We decided to hike back to the jeep and head back to the hotel. That never would have happened with the kids.
So, our day started a little later than normal, but without the “mom mom mom mama mommy” to take us in many directions, we still got a ton done and had energy to keep going and go out to the bar. And I did my make up twice in one day!!! I haven’t done that since back in the day when I did it cuz I worked a day job and then a night job and I was doing it at a frantic pace not all nice and chill like I have this weekend. It is the little things that make me happy.
Do I kiss my kids? – yes, just don’t tell them I said that because that might make them use it against me. Just kidding, boys!!
Do I miss my Honey? Um…..yes!
It just sometimes a little mommy break recharges my free spirit and let’s the sillies get out so I don’t explode later.
I head home tomorrow and I am pretty sure I will be back to getting stuff ready for school and starting to pick up from the weekend and try to see what college prep stuff we need to work on this week, but right now I will stay in my little blissful place and maybe get some reading done.

37 Days To Go and Thinking about Mexico

scan0003As a kid, heading down to Laredo and Nuevo Laredo, was just a normal thing to do.  My welita, tios, tias, and cousins all lived down there.  We would go down to visit on a regular basis from Corpus Christi.  I remember my Grandma Lupe taking bags of clothes we had outgrown to go give to our family.  The streets seemed to be covered in dirt and no one was ever dressed in cool clothes that were in style.  People walked everywhere. I didn’t find it exotic or exciting or that it was much of a get away.  I could never understood why people in movies and on TV would talk about how great it would be to live on the beaches of Mexico.  I hadn’t been to the beaches of Mexico, I had only been to the rancho and homes of family members.  We did do a lot of shopping but not the tourist kind.  Instead of buying postcards and shirts that say things like “my family went to Mexico and all I got was this shirt”, we picked up low cost alcohol and antibiotics.  If it was around Easter, we might get to bring back cascarones.  We spent time visiting grandma and trying to understand what the heck she was talking about- cuz it was all Spanish and you know I am not exactly Miss Espanol.  But I learned a ton from those trips.  I learned to appreciate all I had and was given.  Air conditioning is not something everyone has all over the world and having a window unit and fans was a really special thing.  My parents exposed me to different worlds and helped me to see that not everyone has all the same things.  Once we moved away to San Antonio, the trips became less.

This world today is very different from the one I grew up in and there are things that I will never get to share with my boys.  The ranch were my great grandma, my Welita, lived I will probably never see again.  A trip to that part of Mexico is not a part of my oldest son’s memories and more than likely my little one will never see Mexico as a child.  It does sadden my soul.  I pray that in my lifetime, crossing the border and walking the streets will be something we can enjoy and experience together. Viva Mexico and thanks for the memories grandpa and grandma and mom and dad!!